Cults

The Weirdly Capricious God of Growing Kids God’s Way

By J. Wesley ⋅ April 13, 2008 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

This Sunday I gorged myself on a turkey sub and then passed out for a nice afternoon nap.  Upon waking, I realized that the “God” whom Gary Ezzo so prophetically channels in Growing Kids God’s Way is a mighty capricious fellow.  At the heart of “God’s way” is an Eat-Wake-Sleep cycle for babies.  Ask yourself this — just how cruel was it to spike breast milk with a natural sedative, tryptophan, and then ordain that these infants perform a stay-awake marathon after every feeding?  That sounds more like something Allah would do. . .  Of course, Ezzo’s entire punitive approach to parenting looks a lot more Islamist than Christian anyway. 

You know, Ezzo has always been about the marketing.  He took his book secular, for instance, selling it as Babywise.  Maybe this could be a new niche for him — Growing Kids Allah’s Way.  Of course, the chapter on beating your children with glue rods would need a subsection on beheadings, but a ghostwriter could handle that.  I just made your next million for you, Ezzo-baby!  You can thank me through Paypal. . .